[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Matt Locke Source LA Collection

Yeah, yeah, the ORIGINAL Matlock was a show that aired during America's sudden obsession with the elderly.  After years and years of only valuing the young, the beautiful, and the braindead, TV stations started greenlighting shows starring old protagonists such as Matlock and Murder She Wrote. 

Because what everyone wants to watch is a bunch of cotton heads (not racist) fumble around and try to figure out murder mysteries.  If someone I know has been murdered, the last person I want on the case is someone who has a restricted driver's license, a pacemaker, and a granddaughter who is my age. 

But Matlock isn't just Grampa Simpson's favorite TV show, he's also a designer out of Los Angeles who makes stuff that only dreams are made of.   

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[A GIRL CAN DREAM] What I Would Buy if I Had the Courage to Steal Someone's Credit Card

I've been thinking a lot about money lately, mainly because my debit card was stolen.  Well, not the actual card, just the numbers, which is what makes it worse.  Like, all of a sudden, shit just started getting deducted from my bank account, even though I had my debit card (you know, the one with the goofy photo of myself) right in my wallet, right in my pocket (purses are for people who are WEAK). 

So I ask myself, "Amanda, what kind of person—located in Midlothian, Virginia, no less—would be such a pussy to not even punch me in the face and steal my wallet, but to secretly steal the numbers when I gave them my debit card to pay for some wings and a couple of Texas-sized margaritas at a trashy BBQ restaurant?" 

Like, at least physically accost me so I can sport a shiner and look all badass. 

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[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Commonwealth Butcher Block

In my dreams, I have an amazing chef's kitchen with stainless steel appliances, Wusthoff Knives stocked in the drawer, and a restaurant-grade range with red knobs (you know the one I'm talking about). 

In reality, I have white cabinets, ugly formica countertops, a stove that was a hold-over from the Cold War, and a fridge that couldn't even hold the Olsen Twins' food for the week. 

This is what happens when your landlords are picking shit out: they go with whatever the fuck is the cheapest possible thing in the world.  Thanks, guys.  Really.

This butcher block from Matter could definitely find a coveted spot in my dream kitchen, but for $2,500, that'll be after I win the lottery or murder one of my co-workers in order to get a promotion and a pay raise. 

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[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Opulent Items' Ring Mirror

Okay, okay. What kind of d-bag launches a site called OpulentItems.com?  Opulent? Apparently, everything on this site is guaranteed luxurious, which is directly translates into "motherfucking expensive."  Whatever. 

This ring mirror is pretty awesome, but at $6,500, you can probably find a cheaper alternative.   

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[A Girl Can Dream] Linen Closets & Fitted Sheets

Do you know how to fold a fitted sheet? Cause I have no fucking clue.

And I've watched Martha Stewart demonstrate this shit on her show....and have even googled. But every time I try it, even after following all of the directions, shit doesn't come out looking neat. And so then I just give up and I end up with an ugly, amorphous ball of semi-folded but not really folded sheetage. And it bugs me.

Also sidenote: I can fold the HELL out of just about everything else. I'm talking, I've received unsolicited compliments from peeps at J. Crew-n-shit after looking at v-neck sweaters that I've folded back into place.

A good way to tell if you're rich in NYC is whether or not you have a linen closet. Some people barely have clothing closets, so linen closets are few and far between.

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[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Property Furniture

Property Furniture—a New York City-based design house—has so much cool shit that I can't even contain myself.  Of course, as with all beautiful things, they're probably massively expensive, especially since none of these things come with a pricetag (I guess if you have to ask....).

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[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Richard Branson's Limited Edition Getaways

Sir Richard Branson, the smarmy dickhead who has more money than God, has created seven "Limited Edition" getaways in the Virgin Islands, Morocco, Switzerland, London, South Africa, Mallorca, and London for himself, and row he's renting them out. 

We're talking private islands and shit.  I have to believe that their rates are a leeeeettle bit more than the Holiday Inn Express near the Newark Airport, so I won't be able to partake. 

BUT, you can always go there in your dreams.  Ah, yes, my dreams: where my life isn't a bottomless pit of muck and despair. 

[Via Apartment Therapy, visit for photo porn]

[A GIRL CAN DREAM] Everything in Lee J. Rowland's Collection

Lee J. Rowland, a London designer who creates all kinds of crazy tables that cost more than my parents' house, has captured my heart by creating two tables that 1.) allow you to store your hooch and keep in cold INSIDE the table and 2.) display profanity for everyone to see and get upset about.

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