THE DICTIONARY OF CLICHED DESIGN SPEAK

Whenever I think about the decor in my imaginary weekend house, I think “hunting lodge chic meets warm, vintage modern.”

Like, I swear…those are *actual* words that go through my head, right before I realize that I want to punch myself in the face SO HARD.

Cause these design-y phrases that we all use ad nauseum are so cliched…and soooo annoying. And after awhile they seldom mean what they were intended to, as everyone is constantly reinventing these imaginary styles and they’re morphing into variations of variations. And yet we ALLLLLL use this bullshit to describe interior design, on our blogs, in our tweets, on our soon-to-be-canceled talk shows, in our brand-new, I wanna be just like Domino online mags. EVERYWHERE. And truth time: we all pretty much use em like it’s our J-O-B.

I just can’t quit you, hunting lodge chic.

So just because I like feeling less alone in this cruel, dark world, I asked some of my fave design bloggers to share with me their best cliched design speak catch phrases. Needless to say, the results were nothing short of spectacular (though keep in mind, all photos were chosen by moi, after typing in “silly design catch phrase” into either google image search and/or my brain. So if you hate any of the images or think I’m way off, it’s my fault not theirs).

“Industrial chic is my personal fav…”–Suan Brinson of HOUSE OF BRINSON.

Let’s see stainless and/or old steel industrial items? Check. Cutesy, ironic signage, chhhheck. Muted color palette? YIP. Pretnetious props? (Let’s all pretend like we give a shit about terariums! I love plants in glass jars! Yayyyyy!), check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Michele Varian: “English Manor Twee”

Ok, so ALL of my friends were pretty good at coming up with shit for this excercise, but SHOP OWNER and BLOGGGER EXTRAORDINAIRE Michele Varian was the BEST. She sent me so much good shit, I could have whipped this post together with *just* her suggestions.  But English Manor Twee was my fave, and this space of Carolina Herrera Creative Director Herve Pierre pretty much just nails it. Is that footstool in front of the bed covered with this same blue checked gingham? Get real, ppl: obvies.

Emily Henderson: “Surgical Chic”

You know how Emily Henderson won that lil ole HGTV show DESIGN STAR? And now she has her OWN show SECRETS FROM A STYLIST? Annnnd she still BLOGS like a mofo? Right, well she actually also tied with Michele Varian for the most out-of-the-box design speak ideas, but I’m *still* laughing my ass off over “surgical chic.” And if I’m being really honest, this one also scares me a little bit. I mean, if you’re dating some dude and you go back to his place and his kitchen looks like the photo above, I think I’m a tad concerned for your safety and well being. Like maybe it really is time to carry a Tazer cause it looks like your dude could actually perform surgery on you on that kitchen island if he wanted to…I don’t know, your call.

My Favorite And My Best: “Fucking Lady-Blogger Chic”

“…Anything chic makes me want to serve puke shooters.” – MY FAVORITE & MY BEST

Ok, honestly folks, I don’t even know wtf this MEANS, and yet I love it anyway. Rather than ask Jenny from MFAMB for clarification, behold my interpretation of Laddy Blogger Chic.

The Inside Stoop: “French Country”

“OH, and french country, doesnt look french OR country.”–Lindsey, THE INSIDE STOOP

I thought I hated country everything…until I realized that I LIKED COUNTRY LIVING MAGAZINE. And while I can appreciate French shit just as much as the next chump, design style wise, it’s not really my thang. But then yeah: I saw this pic of a French Country farmhouse and I kinda agree with Lindz…it doesn’t really look Frenchy-y or Country-ish. And, great, now I want to just eat croissants all day and pour nutella down my throat. THANKS A LOT, INSIDE STOOP!

Jamie Herzlinger: “1960’s Bel Air”

Ok, honestly: 1960’s Bel Air is IT for me…if only I had 50 spare millies, I could just by Kelly Wearstler’s house and be done with it. But until then, I can always just stare at JAMIE’S PORTFOLIO, post this picture on my Facebook profile and pretend like this house belongs to me. I mean, this seems like a plausible living situation for Brooklyn, NY right?

Decor Demon: “Modern Eclectic”

Holy shit, this is probably the most used catchphrase of the bunch, and can someone, anyone tell me WHAT THE FUCK IT MEANS??? This pic above came up in my google image search for modern eclectic…HUNH?? Oh well, for anyone still keeping track: Yep, DECOR DEMON still completes me.

Ok, so finding pictures for this shit is far too fucking exhausting. Here are the rest of the honorable mentions:

Thrift store modern, nouveau Victorian, modern victorian — via HOUSE OF BRINSON

Safari Luxe, Tim Burton-esque, Hippie Chic, Craftastic, RV Kitsch, Lab Room Lounge, Shabby Zen, Gypsy Caravan Chic, Urban Yurt (!!!??). Told you bitches she was good at this! — via MICHELE VARIAN

Trying Too Hard (TTH) and Styled to Death (STD) — via THE MOGGIT GIRLS

Clean and Modern (as opposed to dirty and old?) — via MODERN BIRD STUDIOS

Organic Glam — via DESIGN MILK

Rustic Chic, Modern Country — via CHIC MODERN VINTAGE

Shabby Chic and Spa-Like — via @MODERNBETTYHGTV

You btchz got any others???